Recognizing the Early Warning Signs

As adolescents, boys and girls are forming their first conclusions about what to expect in intimate relationships. Teenagers may be predisposed to accept physical violence because of their exposure to it in their homes, communities and in the media. Given this early learning, it is critical to recognize and respond to early warning signs. The following are common clues that a young person may be experiencing dating violence or date rape.

Physical bruises or other signs of injury
Bear in mind that victims will often attempt to hide their injuries due to embarrassment. Be alert to sudden changes in dress or make-up, as well as explanations of injuries which seem out of character.

Truancy, failing, withdrawn from activities, dropping out of school
An abusive relationship drains the victim of energy. The energy the victim has is spent trying to make this right for the perpetrator.

Sudden or increased social isolation
Due to shame or sudden jealous accusations on the part of the victim’s violent partner, the victim will withdraw from friends and become increasingly isolated. This can be particularly hideous for the gay or lesbian youth who may already be experiencing isolation.

Difficulty making decisions
Victims may appear anxious about make independent decisions because they must continuously “get permission” from their partners. Another sign is the victim’s sudden avoidance of eye contact.

Sudden changes in mood or personality
These changes may include depression, withdrawal, acting out, secretiveness, increased insecurity or feelings of inadequacy, anxiousness, and preoccupations with the victim’s partner.

Use of alcohol or drugs
This may be in response to direct pressure from the abusive partner or an attempt to numb the victim’s pain or emotional ambivalence about the relationship.

Pregnancy
Many young victims feel pregnancy will get them out of a bad situation. Over 70% of pregnant or parenting teens are beaten by their partner. Pregnancy significantly increases the risk of violence in teenage relationships.

Crying easily; getting “hysterical” or overeating to minor incidents
Victims live in fear and under extreme tension. They are constantly trying to second guess their partners moods in an attempt to avoid violence. Reacting to this stress the victim may explode or become hysterical in response to something minor. They may also become or use violence themselves.

Recognizing the Early Warning Signs for Perpetrators

Young people who physically or sexually assault their partner don’t often fit out common stereotype of the “bully.” There are all types of perpetrators. Some are loudly aggressive, while other may be passive in public. Some are gregarious, while others are “loners.” Many are popular model students. Ofteh the victim is not believed when reporting abuse since the perpetrator does not fit the picture that others have of them. It is important to look beyond students’ academic and social reputations when investigating reports of physical or sexual abuse.

The victim reports abuse or threats
Remember there are all types of victims too. Some lack credibility because they have a worse reputation than the perpetrator. Don’t be swayed by public image.

Alcohol of drug use
Some perpetrators rely on alcohol or drugs to release them from their normal inhibitions or to give them the courage to become more aggressive toward their partners.

Possessive or jealous behavior
Whether in public or private, possessiveness and jealous accusation often precede and follow violence. The abusive person will often attempt to socially isolate their partner by forbidding them to see or talk to others or by making frequent accusations of infidelity which forces the victim to limit their social life. Gay and lesbian abusers will use possessiveness to keep young victims from connecting with the gay community. They want to keep information about possible support hidden from the victim.

Involvement with younger partners
Perpetrators will date younger partners so that they can be more in control. Often the older perpetrator will be the first real relationships the victim has had. The victim is dependent on their older partner for information about what relationships should be, which the partner exploits.

Harassment or threats toward current or former partner
Failure to accept the end of a relationship is a common indicator of physical abuse. Often victims are abused or threatened when they try to end an abusive relationship.

Pressuring dates or sex
People who use coercive tactics to win dates are likely to be abusive in order to maintain a relationship. Intense preoccupations with going out with one person or with having sex are potential indicators of abuse.

Public displays of anger or ridicule toward women
For the heterosexual male perpetrator these may include frequent or loud pronouncements of scorn toward a particular woman or toward women in general. They may also include sexual harassment of women ranging from making suggestive sexual comments or gestures to unwanted touching or grabbing.